In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle wrote, “Many love relationships, after the initial euphoria has passed, actually oscillate between ‘love’ and hate, attraction and attack.”
This quote reminded me of toxic relationships and why we choose to stay in them.
Tolle points out that some of our most intimate relationships can feel like taking drugs.
There are such incredible highs when we feel pleasure. But this euphoric feeling can suddenly turn into pain. The highs and lows create this cycle of addiction where we stick through the pain to get the high we think we need— a fleeting moment of acceptance, dependency desire, security, or excitement.
It’s not real love. It’s a placebo kind of love.
“Real love doesn’t make you suffer,” according to Tolle. I want to think that real love doesn’t have a placebo effect, where there are tricks played on your brain.
Real love wakes you up and makes you want to wake up.
You don’t need the highs and lows, even if life still presents them.
Real love makes you better and can nourish you like a vitamin.
How do you know if it’s real in your relationship?
Ask yourself, “does the other person make you better?”
And if you are not convinced, ask your friends and family the next time they meet your partner, “How am I around this person?”
In the answers, you’ll find the truth.